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22 August 2007 @ 01:00 pm
- welcome to the garden of destruction  

Why, yes, Dir en grey lyrics work wonderfully as titles. And remind me of the chills I got at the concert whenever Kyo broke into the part of Clever Sleazoid beginning with "the dark - dark - Sunday" and everyone sang along with him.

Anyway. Let's talk about about fanfic, shall we? I have this new HP story almost completed; the rough draft for it is lying in a pile of disorganized papers on my table and all there's left to do is to finish typing it up as a proper Word file. To save my breath, below are the most important bits of information on the content of it:
~ It is set during DH.
~ It concentrates on Remus.
~ Basically, it's DH from Remus's perspective, which happens to be more adult than what we had a chance to read with Harry as the protagonist. Not necessarily adult in terms of explicitness, although it's not going to be mild. Adult because it's about a 37-year-old character whose existence hardly qualifies as untroubled.
~ Remus is with Tonks in DH, so I have to write that.
~ Remus must have been with Sirius before for his later behaviour to make any sense beyond being a desperate attempt to feel alive, so I have to write that.

And a few points regarding form:
~ It's a series of several instances in Remus's life, beginning shortly after he and Tonks get married.
~ It quotes a certain song (but probably isn't what one would usually call a songfic).
~ It's primarily written in present tense.
~ Also, it is a testament to my undying obsession with countdowns.
~ Its title is 99.99% going to be Terminally Ill, considering what happens to Remus at the end of DH. My only goal is to diagnose him.

I have rather high ambitions with this one, you see. JKR has left us a whole lot of uncertainty when it comes to Remus - he got married and had a child, yes, but what exactly did all that mean to him? Was he only happy with Tonks after their son's birth because being just with her was too painful for him? Would this marriage have lasted when there no longer was any war to link them together? And what is Sirius's place in this, anyway? There's an amount of unsatisfied subtext (yes, even now) and recurring themes that suggest that there's more to some things than meets the eye (or more than Remus told Harry in a certain Grimmauld Place scene). All in all, we're dealing with a complicated business that is, unlike many other issues, extremely vague even in canon.

It would be a waste not to explore.

So here I am, looking for a way to put all of this intrigue into words. I'm a little nervous since I really want to do it justice. I'll only allow myself to fill in the gaps. Of course, it helps these gaps are fairly large to begin with, but I imagine that's only what JKR wanted.

The thing is, working on this fic is so draining. I'm not new to stuff that is depressing in places - I have written or half-written more of it than I've posted - but nothing ever hurt like this. Digging around in Remus's inner world is like a second nature to me and I could recite the parts of canon that involve him in some way from memory, but giving Tonks a believable personality has been a bit of a struggle. She had become almost one-dimensional as a character in HBP (eternal pity) which improved just slightly in DH, but of course I can't only focus on her flaws since that would get me accused of bashing in no time, and I can't have that. I want to be objective.

Problems or not, I'll get this story out of my system even if my hair goes grey from the stress. Usually I am able to let go of ideas as soon as I realize I'm not really 'in' them, but I'm positive this one will haunt me and block out every other project I might want to take up until I give in and just write it. After all, it has been that way ever since I first started pondering the thing.

It won't even be as long as it probably sounds. That is, I could have made it truly monstrous, but I don't think that would have been the right way to go about it. I want to be able to point at this fic and say, "Here, this is the substance. Make of that whatever you will." Kind of like canon itself works, to be honest. I'm curious if I can pull that off...

There is a tiny bit of angry motivation on my part, I admit. Like many others have no doubt been doing, I'm trying to elaborate on Remus's fate since that marriage of his seemed to be forced to the point of feeling artificial. No, I am not saying that because I think he had, at some point in his life, been with Sirius. I'm saying that because it was obvious, in DH at least, that he and Tonks barely knew each other on any significant level (as far as Tonks was concerned, Remus could go on being miserable as long as she got to live out her family dream) and shared no enduring link until their child was born. Tonks might have been an idealist, believing that her love alone could suffice to return meaning into someone else's life if they both tried, but it takes more than romance to build a functional relationship. Trust and mutual understanding, for instance. That is something I fail to see between Tonks and Remus - and also something that's quite easy to prove existed between Remus and Sirius. Instant forgiveness after twelve years of separation, anyone?

I hope JKR knew what she was doing, here. That would make me very happy indeed.

Ugh, I come online to rant about a fic and end up with a bloody dissertation. Which reminds me, that thesis I announced a while back seems to be the slightest bit useless to do now that I'm a step away from completing a story that includes half the stuff I originally intended to put there. I've also come across several extremely clever and observant essays/comments concerning the canon of DH and its implications, which has given me the impression that everything (or almost everything) has already been said on the matter. But we shall see. Maybe, after I'm done with this story, I'll somehow return to that particular scheme.

Since this fic won't be strictly Remus/Sirius, I've been contemplating my posting options. Of course I wouldn't neglect remusxsirius, but I think the story will be general enough to be seen by a larger part of the HP fandom. Is there any universal fanfic or HP fanfic community or some other suitable place? Eh, feel free to disregard this question if you don't know. I'm just wondering, that's all.

Damn, what have I dragged myself into?

Current Mood: intimidatedintimidated
Current Music: 'Doubt '97' - hide
Schompie: Prince of Pirates: hms wolfstarschomperilla on August 22nd, 2007 01:58 pm (UTC)
I'm intrigued, really, I am! <3
It sounds like an interesting fic, you've definitely piqued my interest ^^
Good luck!
See you later, instigator: Remus/Sirius2 (the_8th_square & teh_indyoudeteron on August 22nd, 2007 02:04 pm (UTC)
Aww, I'm pleased this caught your attention! I'm really almost done...I just need to get over myself and go through the whole thing one more time. So thanks for the luck since I have the feeling I'll need it yet! ^_^;
remeciel: Remus Siriusremeciel on August 22nd, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
what have I dragged myself into?

... into a very, very interesting story. Something I will really need to read one day to give a beginning of meaning to the whole subtext we had in OotP as for Remus and Sirius. Andin order not to waste what could have been written or said in the last book. :)
I hope you will be able to write down this story one day, I'm really looking forward to reading it. :)
See you later, instigator: YoshikiLoveoudeteron on August 22nd, 2007 03:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much. I hope it will meet your requirements. ; )

And I'm not planning to finish it 'one day' - it had better be pretty damn soon! It's really just about disciplining myself enough to pull through. I'm awful at being disciplined, though. XD
remeciel: Larmesremeciel on August 22nd, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, too bad. It will be really great if you could finish it one day, though. *puppy eyes*
(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 22nd, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(unspecified) - remeciel on August 22nd, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 22nd, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
scarlet_chan: HP_Werewolfscarlet_chan on August 22nd, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)
Ooooohhh! This looks like it's going to be great! You MUST send me the link once you've finished and posted the fic. I can see it's causing you a lot of grief though, but chin up! *Hug* I know it'll turn out great because I've seen your work! ^_^
See you later, instigator: Remus/Sirius2 (the_8th_square & teh_indyoudeteron on August 22nd, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm really glad you like the idea! Of course I'll send you the link when I post it - and I'll update my journal with it as well so that you'll learn about it either way. Can't wait to know how you like it...although I'm the one causing the wait in the first place! ^_^;
Melmo: Mrs. Weasley FTWmustntgetmy on August 22nd, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
Oof, you're really going long for what sounds like a very excellent fic in the making. But I understand the struggle. If you ever feel like you need to talk out the details of the Remus/Tonks relationship or pretty much anything else up there, you know I'm up for a discussion :)

Also, I do believe JKR knew what she was doing. I can't honestly say she was promoting R/S here (even if it came out that way), but I do think she was showing us that not all marriages are happy ones. And also that Remus is really fucked up.

As for HP fanfic...I'll have a think on it, but if you're putting slash in it, why not hp_slash?
See you later, instigator: Remus/Sirius Canon (by snow_blossoms)oudeteron on August 23rd, 2007 11:42 am (UTC)
Aww, glad you approve of the idea. I'm a bit angry with myself because I know I could get the revision/rewrite done faster, but this fic really is exhausting. And actually, I do have one little detail I'd like to know your opinion on: I'm thinking I should describe Tonks as 'uncomplicated' somewhere in this story, which isn't exactly a flattering term and I wonder if I'd be justified in using it. I do see her character that way, but I might be too harsh since I just can't sympathize with what seems to be her idea of a perfect life. I'd really appreciate your take on this. ; )

I also hope the way JKR wrote this relationship was intentional (and seeing as authorial intent isn't the same as canon anyway, her exact reasons hardly matter in the long run). But I agree it's safe to say she was showing us that marriage didn't have to mean instant happiness and that Remus was in no state to be a doting husband at that point. (Insert your favorite reason here.) Hey, the more I ponder all this, the more I think he was acting like a character out of Brokeback Mountain. XD

Oh, right...why not hp_slash? I'll remember that. Although I have the feeling that I won't be telling slashers anything new in this fic. I wonder how I could get other fans to give it a try as well...I'm such a megalomaniac.
Melmo: Merlin hearts booksmustntgetmy on August 24th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC)
I would agree with uncomplicated with reference to Tonks. For me, it's always been that Tonks is very much an innocent and she's attempting to take on Remus, who is a very fucked up individual who cannot respond to someone who has such a normal perception of things/love as her. So yeah, uncomplicated works really well.

I doubt Remus would've EVER been in the right state to be a doting husband. As I said above: very fucked up individual.

Hey, nothing wrong with wanting to widen the net of readership. Maybe daily_snitch would have some comms you could post at.
(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 24th, 2007 09:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(unspecified) - mustntgetmy on August 24th, 2007 11:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 25th, 2007 08:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 27th, 2007 10:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
iggy_lovechild on August 23rd, 2007 12:29 am (UTC)
Wow. That's a brave undertaking. Makes BH/NS look like a cake walk. (Of which, I'm re-writing the opening scene. Argle!)

I imagine it must be difficult to work around JKR's cut and dry take on romance. That's what I don't like about the way she writes such things...no passion....
See you later, instigator: Remus/Sirius2 (the_8th_square & teh_indyoudeteron on August 23rd, 2007 11:57 am (UTC)
I'm really flattered you think so! (And I wish you lots of luck on BH/NS with all its delicate-ness. ^_^)

Yeah, I'd say the only DH couples that had some passion in them were Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny. Now, it's all well and good that Remus and Tonks didn't fall into that category, but what about how Bill and Fleur were acting around each other? In retrospect, I'm not even sure if I noticed them kissing at their own wedding. XD

Eh, my biggest problem with writing this fic is getting into Tonks's head. She's not the focus, but I still need her in character (now that she has at least a little bit of it back). Seriously, I could identify with Voldemort more easily than with her...and I'm not exactly fond of old Voldie.
iggy_lovechild on August 23rd, 2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
I don't know...I found Tonks' characterization a bit inconsistant and confusing (not to be confused with the delicious depth and comlications that were embodied in Draco in HBP...damn you for making him a bit-player in DH, JKR!). So I can get where you're coming from. I mean, she's very cool and kinda punk-rock in OotP...then she's morose and whiny in HBP...and once more she's happy in Dh, but seemingly at the expense of Remus's contentment. I just don't get it. *shakes head*
(unspecified) - oudeteron on August 23rd, 2007 09:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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A.J. Alexanderjazzonia on August 24th, 2007 01:39 am (UTC)
That sounds excellent. I'm really looking forward to it.
See you later, instigator: Remus/Sirius2 (the_8th_square & teh_indyoudeteron on August 24th, 2007 09:34 am (UTC)
Thanks a lot! I'll do my best to finish it soon.